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coping Archives | scotty.es Scott Charles Leichhardt Hollingsworth

Hello darkness my old world!

By | Food for thought, real fuckin' life | One Comment

So, I have fallen for the old start a new blog and assume that that will carry the day. Of course what actually happened was extreme overload, to the point of tears, and working on other stuff. I finally have got at least a personalised disaster happening, instead of an advertisement for the theme that has caused me all the frustration in the first place. I wish I had just gone with 2018, and gutenberg. I would be streets ahead.

If I ever get this one together, it is impressive, but it sure isn’t all that straight forward.

 

Maybe I do need to write straight into the blog. I wrote my first daily write like three days ago, and have done no more. I normally write into ghostwriter, where the quoted section comes from. Of course, I need to write first and edit after, but I am just going to get this onto the web.

I mean I have not literally done nothing of course. I have been non-stop.

I never do nothing, even though I know that it would be healthy to do so.

 

Still, it would be healthy to eat properly everyday and all that too.

 

So, anyway, I have the plan to be open and honest here.

If I make it, this may well turn out to be of value to somebody some time. It’ll be interesting for the children of my estranged only child perhaps, if no-one else. Or maybe their kids, as the well has been well and truly poisoned there. I will write about that one day soon too.

 

There seems to be no-one else, barring advances in medical technology, the end of the world as we know it, or other equally unlikely outcomes. I suppose I am going to copy in the writing I did the other day. I am sure it wasn’t really written for publication, so I will have a quick read of it first.

 

But I want to be brutally honest in this new endeavour. At least as far as the law allows me to be.

 

I’ll explain that in a subsequent post. Well, let me go get that. Pasted without editing. (not a good idea I know, but there seems to be a raw power there that I would have to edit away.

 

hey, I think I should try and get a few thoughts down. without worrying too much about anything.

There’s so much I want to write down, so it’s a little bit confusing where to start.

For this reason I suppose that I am making a new commitment to writing every day for a certain amount of time, as yet undecided.

I already have a waiting list of things that need to get onto the daily list, and I have all those things already on the daily list, AKA the daily list. So it’s not too easy to get to the head of that list, but I think I must re-recognise that it’s what I must do.

So step one is going to be to recognise that structure. It is very obvious that routine and discipline are going to need to become the order of the day, everyday.

And what I have going on right now?

Well….

It’s not like I am having a good time, is it?

My most common thought is “I hate my life”

I must think that ten or fifteen times a day, on average. Some days are better than others, but the bad days probably make that estimate quite low, for an average.

So what do I have to lose?

SFA

Of course, maybe it’s not quite my most common thought. Maybe I haste these fucking cunts, is my most common thought, but that’s even less acceptable.

I hate me so much right now, I hate me so much right now.

That should probably be my most common thought, but it’s not exactly. I do hate myself often, don’t think that I don’t, as I have seen who and what I am become, destroyer of worlds. Well, not so much, but destroyer of trust could be.

I know how to make my dogs cower, and that’s horrible, although common enough.

Anyway, enough about that, just for the moment.

Surely one of the things I want to do with this is describe the situation as it is, ‘dejar constancia’ as it were.

Because I have a feeling that I can make this into something else, with my mind.

I certainly wasn’t going to finish that sentence that way, but what the hell.

It feels true.

Apparently I can do an indent here, just by doing one, and then it will keep happening. Good to know.

(I removed it, but it is still good to know)

I also only just learned recently that with windows+shift+S you can snip a bit of the screen to the clipboard.

Also good to know.

And windows+print screen saves a screenshot directly ((C:\\user\images\screenshots))

And, to tell the truth I know a lot of those sort of things. I small percentage of what exists, but some of them.

I could teach people what I know but I remember coming across something only yesterday making the argument that that is not what one should set out to do. Wish I could remember where.

So, how long to write for each day?

I suppose that one hour seems right, but maybe I could make it less, if it was strictly writing, and didn’t include any of the parts that are formatting and posting.

I certainly can’t easily imagine how to take an hour out of everything else, depending on what is in that everything else.

OK, scotty, get it together.

ideas

* write as one of the dogs?

* write as a disembodied narrator?

* write as myself?

* draw it?

* make it the basis of what I do?

That last idea is interesting.

I think the key is obviously going to lie in finding out how to make one support the other.

Ok, well this has been interrupted, so I think That’ll do for today.

Tomorrow is another day.

I’ll sign off here as there is a very uneasy calm right now.

 

jaja